Not That

In light of my most recent post about the food I've found to enjoy in Australia, I thought it might be important to include those foods that are in fact awful. Since I've learned what I do really like to eat here, it seems to only be fair to mention what I’d skip altogether if I could do it over. Consider it my own personal warning.

1. Fairy bread – I still haven't been able to fully understand what it is about bread, not even toast, being heavily buttered then covered in rainbow sprinkles, also known as “100’s and 1,000’s,” that's supposed to seem enticing, but the Australians are crazy about it.

2. Vegemite – extremely salty, dark brown, yeast extract on my toast for breakfast? No thanks.

3. American Candy Bars – they all seem just a little off. The Twix, for instance, tastes like it's been left over since Halloween.

4. Chicken from Asian restaurants – I am going to start with the disclaimer that I am VERY picky when it comes to chicken, but any chicken dish I’ve gotten from an Asian style restaurant here I have ended up skipping the chicken part entirely. I think it may be more customary to use other parts of the chicken that we aren’t used to eating, but it almost always appears grayish in color with a funny, unpleasant taste.

5. Licorice sticks – they take a long chewy licorice type candy and stuff it with an uncomplimentary chewier taffy that you might mistake for bubblegum at first. They’re way too sweet and weird tasting and will just leave you with an upset stomach.

6. Deep fried shells of shellfish – we peel the shells off of shrimp for a reason, why would I want to eat it once it’s battered and deep-fried?

All of that being said, there's a couple things the jury’s still out on:

1. The sushi – the sushi here is served hotdog style in one long roll. One thing I found particularly odd is that the tuna rolls have cooked tuna fish in them and you will also find sushi rolls with different ingredients than we’re used to in the US such as teriyaki chicken. I actually really like these different variations they have, however, the seaweed is wrapped on the outside, so I usually take that part off. This makes an absolute mess out of the sushi, but I find it makes it taste a great deal better.

2. The pizza – it’s not awful, but it’s not particularly good generally. What I do appreciate is the wide variety of toppings available.

3. Kangaroo - if prepared correctly it can be pretty good. It’s a little chewy and can have a funny aftertaste, but not bad. I first encountered kangaroo at a welcome party for the international students where it was mass prepared on skewers and it tasted like human flesh. Beware the preparation, it's crucial.

4. Meat Pies – Expect to experience third degree burns in your mouth from the liquid based filler of these pies being fully trapped within a flakey crust and heating up to a molten lava. Twenty minutes after getting the meat pie when it has finally reached a semi-safe eating temperature, they can be decently good, but whether or not it’s worth the price of a peeling mouth, I’m not so sure.

I should also mention there are a couple things that differ pretty greatly than what we have in the US, so here are some things to look out for:

1. The coffee – it’s not like ours. If you want just regular coffee you have to specify just straight black coffee, which is referred to as a “long black.” If you just order a coffee you’re going to get it made pretty much half coffee, half cream and a lot of sugar. I’ve also completely given up on trying to order an iced coffee. The first time I got a hot coffee with two ice cubes in it and the second time I got a coffee with ice cream in it. Also, the coffee is so much stronger than ours, so the little Dixie cups that are the smalls are that tiny for good reason.

2. Eggs and Milk NOT in the refrigerated section – It’s totally okay! When I first saw milk and eggs casually placed on racks in the cereal aisle I thought someone was definitely getting fired later that day. They have a very highly pasteurized milk that can last up to nine months without refrigeration, but must be drank within seven days after opening. As for the eggs, my Australian friend Jordi made a very good point to me: when a hen lays an egg, it’s not cold. When the eggs are being transported, they’re not kept cold. They’re only refrigerated once they get to our supermarkets – so it’s completely fine and normal.

Eat This

“You’re going to Melbourne? Good luck with the food.” This was a phrase I had gotten used to hearing after people would find out I was going to Australia. Being the food lover that I am, this phrase worried me a little bit, but I figured I would be fine and that I’m most likely less picky than them.

I like to think of myself as an adventurous eater, and will never be the person at dinner saying the chicken was too dry, or the green beans were mushy. It’s not that I have low standards for food; I just rarely have a bad meal. Since I’ve gotten to Australia, however… I’ve had my share of pretty bad meals. One particularly traumatizing experience involved some sort of fried rice at the mall and the almost immediate projectile vomiting that occurred in the public restroom moments later. I will say though, it’s not all bad. At all. I think there’s a huge exaggeration when people complain about the food and it’s more the person’s lack of effort to be open-minded and recognize that things are going to be different here. It’s more a matter of figuring out what’s good, what you like and what to look for. That being said, here’s a list of foods you have to try while in Australia:

1. Tim Tams and other Non-American candy bars - Tim Tams are Australia’s gift to Earth. It’s a chocolate covered graham cracker-like biscuit and comes in different flavors such as caramel filled, mint, white chocolate and double chocolate coated. Australians like to bite off the ends and drink hot drinks through them and then eat the Tim Tams. I’ve heard you simply haven’t lived until you’ve tried eating Tim Tams in this manner. Cadbury chocolate is as prominent here as Hershey’s is in the US and it’s divine. I’m a Hershey’s girl at heart, but Cadbury chocolate is a fair competitor.

2. Toasties - Australians absolutely love grilled cheese type sandwiches. They have these flat metal sandwich presses here called toasty makers and they use them to make sandwiches such as grilled ham and cheese. Every one I’ve tried has been awesome.

3. BBQ food – They absolutely love barbequing here. I have free lunch from barbeques on the quad multiple times a week. When the US has barbeques, we’re expecting hotdogs and hamburgers, but the standard here is sausages served on a piece of white bread. I’ve never been a sausage person, but they’re really good here. And the free factor probably helps, too.

4. Wedges – These deep freid half mooned French fries are great absolutely everywhere you find them. They’re often served with sweet chili sauce and sour cream, which when mixed together is perfect, a mayonnaise based sauce called aioli, or, my favorite, “wedgachos” style which has salsa, melted cheese and sour cream on top.

5. Anything with pumpkin in it – If there is something Australia does right, it’s pumpkin. It’s not an ingredient we frequently find in our foods in the US, but it’s very common here especially paired with feta cheese, spinach and pine nuts. I’ve seen these ingredients thrown together on pizza, on fish burgers, and the best pasta I’ve ever tasted in my entire life.

6. Fish and chips – Stands and restaurants specializing in battered and deep fried barramundi, similar to cod in the US, with a side of “chips” aka French fries can be found every couple of blocks in Australia. I don’t know how hard it is to get deep fried anything wrong, however, it’s something you have to try at least once while here. Everyone has loved it.

7. Potatoes on a stick - I don’t know what the real name of these things are, but the best way I can explain this is taking a potato, cutting it into a spiral, putting it on a skewer, deep frying it then seasoning it with cheddar cheese or perri-perri. I can only imagine how awful these artery cloggers are for you, but they’re so worth it.

8. Maccahs aka McDonald’s – I know, I KNOW. We come all this way just to eat an awful American chain of fast food? I don’t eat it at home but it’s SO good here. Apparently the reason for this is because they use fresh Australian beef and a law just passed that requires them to cook your food after you have ordered. Stop judging me.

I must say I have found that a lot of the food you will find in Australia is pretty bad for you. It might explain why Australia has surpassed the US and now holds the gleaming title of fattest nation in the world. You will find a deep fried theme almost everywhere, but a lot of these devilish foods have to be tried at least once. Living in Australia, just like anywhere, you quickly learn what you like and don’t like, and once you’ve figured it out, the foods pretty good after all.